Our staff concluded its Positive Discipline training last month. It was a fantastic experience and we have been so eager to implement the tools classroom wide; it gave us common language and a shared platform for how to continue to encourage our students and create a classroom of problem solvers who feel a sense of belonging and significance. During the training we were nourished by The Sanderson and Gallagher families who brought us dinners to these long after school extra hours that we put in-- thank you again!!!

One tool the training reminded me of was the use of Positive Time Out. This is a sacred and special place that our students can choose to go to when they are starting to "flip the lid" or become so emotionally unregulated, angry or sad that they are unable to access their executive functioning skills needed for learning. Once they are calmed down they can rejoin the group. This place is not a punishment, but rather a place to feel better. As we know, kids (and adults too!) DO BETTER WHEN THEY FEEL BETTER. Some classrooms have called this place "Hawaii" or "Space" to really embrace the idea that it is a good place to go!

I have always thought of this tool as being most effective when the students can help create it for themselves. This can be so powerful at home too! It did not think I would be able to use it until around the age of 4, but this past weekend I mentioned it in passing to my 3 year old. She was "having her feelings" (aka tantrum) and I said that maybe sometime we could make a special place in her room where she could go to feel better all by herself. I could not believe it when, two days later, Josephine was having a rough morning (the details are hazy but has something to do with her asking for a "slow morning" and me being late for work and 40 weeks pregnant and exhausted and snappy and she wanting to wear her Husky cheerleading outfit without tights and no pants or coat etc etc etc.)  Through her tears, Josephine said "I want to go to my sad place!!!" "What??"  I had no idea what she was talking about. She said "my chair! (her little reading chair in her room) where I can feel better!" I could not believe she had remembered my brief comment! "What a great idea!" I responded. "Do you want your buddy and blanket and favorite book too? And should we call it a feel better place? ("sad place" felt so, well, sad!)" She immediately brightened up, and we gathered her cozy lovies, favorite book of nursery rhymes, and she settled into her chair. "Let me know when you feel better" I said, thinking now I am REALLY going to be late but I have to see if this works!  Sure enough, two minutes later she comes out with a big smile and ready to cooperate. We both felt better.  Try it for yourself!!!!

POSITIVE TIME OUT
"People do better when they feel better. Positive time-out helps us cool off and feel better."

1) Create a time-out space with your chidlren. Let them decide what it would look like and what is in it.
2) Let them give it a special name.
3) When they are upset ask, "Would it help to go to your_______ place?"
4) Model using positive time-out by going to your own special place when you are upset.

*I am offically on maternity leave starting March 2nd, but look forward to returning to Queen Anne in September and continuing parent education classes through the summer!

All the best,
Julietta Skoog
School Psychologist
www.juliettaskoog.com

**Note date and location change and also that this presentation is now open to ALL parents of all grades!

Please join us for a very special evening of parent education presented by Peggy Rubens-Ellis!

 
Daughters and Bullying – When to step in

With all the media attention bullying has been getting lately, the hot topic is on everyone’s minds, especially parents. So how do parents know the difference between kids being kids and a potentially serious problem?   This talk will teach you skills and strategies to help your child navigate tough friendship problems.   It will empower you to calmly and confidently assist your daughter and help her to become a confident young girl!

Date:  Thursday, March 15th   

Time: 7-9 pm

Place: Library

Cost: 20$ (sliding fee also available, please email your teacher) Checks should be made out to the PTSA--please put your child's classroom and 'Creative Crossings' in the memo line

Peggy Rubens-Ellis, M.Ed. of Creative Crossings (www.creative-crossings.com), has been a School Counselor for 17 years.   The mission statement of Creative Crossings is helping pre-teens cross through to adolescence with authentic selves intact.  Peggy has presented at national and international conferences and has worked with many local groups in the Pacific Northwest on the topic of creating emotionally safe schools.   She is passionate about helping both girls and boys celebrate their authentic selves.   Peggy has a 2  1/2 year old daughter that teaches her new lessons every day and in her spare time writes a blog about children's literature.

RSVP today to: asiems@w-link.com

 
We look forward to seeing you there!

 

 

I am a talker by nature. I always have been. In high school I was on the debate team, in college I was the one hogging the hallway phone, and later in life I married a quiet, patient man whom I do not have to compete with to continue my babbling. You can imagine the shock when my daughter did not say a single word (not even mama!) until over 21 months old. My mother said it was because she couldn't get a word in edgewise. Fortunately this does not carry over into my day job. As a school psychologist, I spend my day listening to children tell me their good news, bad news, and hopes. I know how therapeutic it is to let them be heard, and encourage them to "tell me more." Then I go home and try to practice the art of listening with my own now chatty daughter. After all, if I am not listening to her, then how can I expect her to learn through my example? This Positive Discipline parenting tool can have profound effects, and  is simply titled LISTEN:

Listen:
Children will listen to you AFTER they feel listened to.

1)Notice how often you interrupt, explain, defend your position, lecture or give a command when your child starts to talk to you.
2) Stop and just listen, it is okay to ask questions such as "Can you give me an example?? Is there anything else?"
3) When your child is finished, ask if he or she is willing to hear you.
4) After sharing, focus on a solution that works for both.

Happy New Year!

Julietta Skoog, School Psychologist
PS-To learn more about me or catch up on previous blog postings , you can go to my website here: julietta skoog

And then it was October... The school year is off to a racing start; Ms. Stenberg's Kindergarten class at Rogers last Wednesday counted 30 school days that have already gone by! The fast paced routine of school and fall is also mirrored at home, as families attempt to do homework, make dinner, get to soccer practice, exercise, walk the dog, and have some quality time all in the short time after school. In our home, we are juggling a bathroom remodel, mom's pregnancy hormones, and seemingly endless evening work activities while desperately finding time to connect and rejuvenate!   As I race around from one task to the next, I am reminded of a simple, yet powerful Positive Discipline Tool to help bring me to the present moment with my daughter-- when I am present with her I feel immediately connected, while modeling mutual respect and love:

Eye to Eye:
Have you noticed it doesn't work when you sit on the couch and yell at your child from across the room?
1) Stop whatever you are doing. Get up and get close enough to your child to see his or her eyes.
2) You will notice that you speak more softly when you make the respectful effort to see your child's eyes.

On another note, we are in week 4 of our Positive Discipline Parenting Class at Queen Anne. What an amazing group of parents! They continue to ask thoughtful questions and bring energy to the activities as they explore parenting tools first hand. Last week we focused on finding the belief behind a child's misbehavior, and will be taking time to observe our children's behavior to see what is really at the root of it. With our children who left us feeling annoyed and irritated, we imagined they were wearing a sign that said "Notice Me, Involve Me." This reminded us to use effective encouragement such as redirecting (assigning a task so children gain useful attention), setting up nonverbal signals, setting up routines, and spending special time.

Happy Halloween!

Julietta Skoog, School Psychologist
PS-To learn more about me or catch up on previous blog postings , you can go to my website here:juliettaskoog

Welcome back to school! This can be such a challenging transition for families as we are creating new routines and patterns. Take time to check in with each other; this is a great time to have more family meetings (compliments, old business, new business, family fun) and diffuse the stressful energy that back to school sometimes brings. 

I have had a handful of Queen Anne parents sign up for my Positive Discipline parenting class starting Oct 4th and a few have suggested I re-send the information to all the parents to make sure you all know about it! Early registration ends Sept 13th so check out the information on my website here: and email me even if you are just considering it! We would love to have you join us; this 7 week class can be so powerful to set the foundation for for important social and life skills while helping your child feel a sense of belonging and significance through mutual respect and encouragement.

Julietta Skoog
School Psychologist

August already! This is usually the time of summer that I look at my "summer project list" and realize I have less than a month left to do all the things I promised myself I would accomplish. While I have mastered a few important skills (the art of napping, perfecting my homemade granola, honing my scrabble skills) there are many left to do..(or erase:) Meanwhile, my 2 and a half year old is busy running around in her birthday suit mastering potty training!  Summer is a great time for kids to blossom with new independent skills and hobbies like bike riding, reading, sleepovers, cooking, caring for pets, gardening, etc. Since my husband, a teacher, is also home for the summer, I am reminded about the art of  "taking time for training" for our daughter. Simple things like teaching her to put her blanket back on her feet, instead of calling for us in the middle of the night, watering plants, putting toys away, and all the steps of using the potty independently are all more effective when we take the time to break them down.  This is usually what happens: Me: "Josephine, put your tea party away please" Josephine: "I need help!" Then I do it for her, feeling frustrated that I spend half my day picking up around the house. Meanwhile my husband is patiently teaching her how to sort her toys and put them away in the right bin.  Fortunately my trusty Positive Discipline cards reminds me that when she is 18 she will have the skills to live independently, toilet trained and all!  In order to do that, I slow down, step back, and next time I ask her to do something I......

Take Time for Training
Training is an important part of teaching children life skills. Don't expect children to know what to do without step by step training (this goes for ALL ages.) What do you mean by clean?

1) Kindly explain the task as you perform it, while your child watches.
2) Do the task together
3) Have your child do it by herself while you supervise.
4) When she feels ready let her perform the task on her own

Enjoy the rest of your summer and see you at school soon!
Julietta Skoog, School Psychologist

PS-- Welcome new QA families! To learn more about me, catch up on previous blog postings or if interested in the parenting class starting October 4th at Queen Anne Elementary, you can go to my website here: julietta skoog

Our 7 week parenting class just finished this last Tuesday and I have to say I was SO impressed with this group of parents! I learned so much while facilitating through their insightful questions and subsequent dialogue. They were enthusiastic participants and were so open to change--what great role models! I always have new take-aways each time I re-read the Positive Discipline and teach the full 7 week class. Now that my daughter is almost 2 and a half, we are jumping feet first into the "power struggles"-- she has to do everything herself, her way, especially when we are pressed for time.  I try to take a deep breath and imagine she is wearing the sign "Let Me Help-Give Me Choices."  Try it next time you feeling challenged by your (any age) child. If you usually tend to react with fighting, giving in, or thinking "you can't get away with it," imagine that sign. You can redirect to positive power by asking for help, offering limited choices, withdrawing from conflict, bring firm and kind, or, the one tool I am practicing this week:

Act Without Words.
At times the most effective thing to do is keep your mouth shut and act.
1) Let your kids know in advance what you are going to do.
2) Check that they understand by asking "What is your understanding of what I am going to do?"
3) Follow through by acting kindly and firmly wtihout saying a word.
For example, pull over if kids fight while you are driving. Read a book until they let you know they are ready.

Until the next tool.... and happy almost Summer!

Julietta
PS-- if you have missed any of my earlier blogs you can read them here: juliettaskoog.com

I can't resist a good challenge. Maybe it is the gamer in me (scrabble, cribbage, boggle, team trivia, you name it) but when Brad of www.singledadbrad.com invited Posiitve Discipline educators and parents to follow his foot steps and blog about their weekly exploration into each positive discipline tool (in a set of 52 cards) I said, I'll do it!  Then I thought, oh no!  Now I really have to blog every week!  It may look like 2 cards every two weeks....

I decided to start with a very simple tool--HUGS-- one I have been practicing ALOT this week with my 2 year old daughter. Despite my costco size sanitizer bottles throughout the house, and being first in line for her to get the flu shot, the stomach flu finally caught up with us. The projectile vomiting (which always seems to happen in the middle of the night, doesn't it?) every half hour for 36 hours and then slow recovery put me into super mom/nurse mode. I am a nurturer by nature and overdosed on making sure she was cuddled and cozy. When she was BEGGING and crying for milk and hummus in between the Pedialyte I said I was sorry, the answer was no, and gave her a big hug. This made me feel better too. It reminded me that I shouldn't have to wait for her to be terribly sick to follow up with so many hugs!   Cheesy?  Maybe, but whatever works, right? The impact is even greater with our older kids (and partners too!)

HUGS
Children do better when they feel better-- and so do you. Hugs help us feel better.

1) When your child is having a tantrum, try asking for a hug.

2) If your child says , "no" say "I need a hug" again.

3) If your child still says no, say "I need a hug; come find me when you are ready." (Then walk away.) You might be surprised at what happens.

--Julietta Skoog

Today was the last day of our friendship group- 8 rambunctious boys!  I was lucky enough to have our Queen Anne school nurse co-lead with me through our 8 weeks . The boys learned about listening, social skills (conversation/ taking turns), expected/unexpected behaviors, and have shared their feelings about how to make friends and get along with others. We have introduced empathy as a means of identifying and understanding your own and others’ feelings in order to get along better, and we practiced how our behavior can change feelings- our own and others’.

These are the skills they were introduced to and will continue to practice...I think they are good for ALL students:

Students can continue practicing by:

Identifying their own and others’ feelings through looking at faces, recognizing body clues, listening to voices, and watching what is happening.

Being aware of expected vs. unexpected behaviors. (Help your child practice by role playing what behaviors you expect before you go to the store/a friend’s house/a birthday party)

Predicting feelings. (Help your child by asking, “How do you think your friend might feel if…”)

Sharing feelings. (Help your child practice by sharing your own feelings: “I feel happy when you offer to set the table.”)

Understanding and accepting difference in others, as well as seeing similarities. (Help your child practice by saying, “It’s okay for your friend to be different from you.  You two are alike in some ways too.  How?”)

Listening. (Help your child practice by sharing good news/bad news then taking turns asking follow up questions.)

In general, simply listening and talking about feelings helps children be more understanding of others.  It also helps create a more positive classroom environment. 

Purely a test. Anyone out there?